Break Ups: Part 2 How Mom said just the right thing
No breakup is ever easy. Whether it is a friend breakup or a partner break up, people on both sides of the relationship can get hurt. How can adults help teens heal the hurt and move on? It is not an easy process to go through alone and genuine support will often make a large difference. Adults might be asking “How do I help?” or “What can I do?” and I can tell you from personal experience that we teens need your support and presence when we are vulnerable after breakups.
I had my first boyfriend the summer before freshman year of high school. We had been best friends, started talking, and decided that we wanted to become boyfriend and girlfriend not too long after. That relationship lasted for 7 months before we ended it. I was absolutely devastated. I just wanted to do what everyone wants to do… eat chocolate ice cream and hide under my covers. On that first day I did eat a little bit of chocolate ice cream, but instead of letting me wallow in my sorrows and eat my weight in chocolate my mom never left my side.
After it happened my mom gave me the best advice. She looked at me and said. “Madison, I know you are hurting and I am sorry. You have three days to wear sweats and cry and be sad, but after those days you will get back to your normal routine and start to move forward. It will not be easy, but if Jesus can rise from the grave in three days I believe that you can do this in three days.” After my pep talk we played family games together, we ate my favorite meal, and I ended the day at youth group. It was exactly what I needed.
You might be asking why I told you this story or what the purpose was. My parents know exactly what I needed to make me feel better. That was just an example of partner breakup, but the same applies for friend breakups. Just their presence was helpful. They were available when I needed them and they were willing to listen to me and pull me out of my sadness.
So my answer to the question ”What can you do?” is that you can listen and care. It is a lot of reading your child’s manner and knowing what they individually need. There are certain things like timing, your approach, and the person you are addressing that make each post Breakup conversation different. If you get one thing out of this blog post make it this: deep down inside we want to hear from you, we want your support, and we want you to have these conversations with us.
Written by Madison R.